she sounds like chewbacca in bed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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