you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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