You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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