if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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