Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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