FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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