You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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