Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize