I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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