He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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