he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
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Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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