you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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