dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize