bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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