Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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