Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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