i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
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Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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