Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think your dad took our porno
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I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize