Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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