What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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