Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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