she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize