The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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