i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize