where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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