I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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