Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she pinky promised me she was 18
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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