My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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