I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize