I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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