i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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