In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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