So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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