Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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