Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize