And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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