Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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