He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize