She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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