And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize