Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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