Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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