she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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