You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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