i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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