why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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