i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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