Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize