cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Small penises have feelings too.
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I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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