is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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